I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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