literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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