I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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