he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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