We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
