i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
