Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
