maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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