once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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