i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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