So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
