you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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