Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
