i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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