if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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