His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
