Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
