I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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