I think I died a long time ago.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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