I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
