Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
