i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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