I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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