We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I touched a dick in church today
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
