Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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