My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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