just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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