I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
