I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
