So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We left the knife in your bed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
