after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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