Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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