hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
