I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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