Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
