I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
