Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
