I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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