giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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