I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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