just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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