On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
