New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
