that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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