i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
