Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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