I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize