Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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