He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
