I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
