Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
