I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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