ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
