I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
