Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
