I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
As shirtless as possible
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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