I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize