What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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