I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
