the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
