So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
