Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
